I wish I could say there was a lightning bolt moment when I suddenly knew I had lost track of what was most important to me, but it didn’t happen that way. Instead, it was like a quiet hum growing louder over the years—an unease I’d buried under routines, expectations, and the rhythm of everyday life. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom in 2018 that I felt ready to listen. I finally slowed down enough to ask myself: What truly matters to me? Not what I thought I should care about, or what everyone else expected, but what actually brought me joy, peace, and fulfillment.
Looking back, I realized how often I’d brushed aside my own instincts. I’d been saying “yes” to things that didn’t feel right, ignoring that gut feeling whispering, This isn’t you. As I began reconnecting with my values, something shifted. Knowing what truly mattered didn’t just make me happier; it helped me show up as the mom, partner, and friend I wanted to be. The more I aligned with my values, the more I understood what I wanted to make space for—and what I didn’t.
The Pressure to Conform
There was a time when the pressure to conform affected my parenting choices. When my kids were old enough to start extracurricular activities, I felt like I was supposed to fill every possible moment with practices, lessons, and activities to keep them “well-rounded.” Growing up, family always came first, and everything else fit around that. Family dinners, finishing schoolwork, and time to unwind were non-negotiable. Suddenly, I was shuffling from one activity to another, with dinners in the car and homework on the go, all in an attempt to keep up with what I thought was “best” for my kids.
As guilt and resentment started building, I recognized something important: I didn’t want to spend my evenings in a whirlwind of activities at the expense of our family time. I wanted to prioritize family dinners and a more relaxed pace. That’s when I decided to root myself in my core values instead of following what everyone else was doing. Reconnecting with those values helped me let go of the pressure to fit a mold and embrace a lifestyle that felt right for us.
Why Staying Connected to Core Values Is Hard for Moms
Staying connected to core values as a mom isn’t easy. There’s the influence of what we saw growing up, the advice from our closest friends and family, and the constant flood of social media showing us “perfect” moms with seemingly perfect routines. And then there’s the sheer pace of motherhood itself, where the demands on our time make it easy to lose ourselves in the noise. If we aren’t intentional, we end up adapting to others’ expectations simply because it’s easier than stopping to question them.
Defining Core Values
So, what exactly are core values? For me, they’re my non-negotiables—the beliefs and principles I live by, even if they don’t align with what others are doing. Here are a few of mine:
● Authenticity – Being true to myself, in all situations.
● Integrity – Acting in alignment with my beliefs, no matter the circumstances.
● Growth – Prioritizing self-improvement and learning.
● Family – Making family time a cornerstone in our lives.
● Joy – Cultivating happiness in the small moments.
● Spirituality – Seeking inner peace and purpose, and feeling connected to something greater.
● Health – Placing physical and mental well-being as a priority.
● Forgiveness – Letting go of grudges and offering grace.
These values guide me in every decision I make. They act as my compass, pointing me back to what matters most, especially when the noise of life grows too loud.
Everyone’s Values Are Different
It’s important to remember that values are deeply personal. What matters to me may not resonate with someone else, and that’s okay. Each of us comes from different backgrounds, beliefs, and experiences, and we all prioritize different things. There is beauty in individuality and diversity, and it’s perfectly fine if one mom’s priorities look different from another’s.
Using Core Values as a Compass in Motherhood
When you’re clear about your core values, they become a powerful tool for decision-making. I remember being offered a director’s position at a nonprofit organization I loved, but after reflecting on my top values, I knew it wasn’t right for me at that time. It would have required me to sacrifice time and energy that I valued elsewhere. Saying no was challenging, but having those values front and center made it so much easier.
My approach is this: I have 12 non-negotiable values, but within those, I have a top three that I hold above all else. If something doesn’t align with those three, it doesn’t get my time or energy. This approach has simplified my life and made saying “no” to things that don’t serve my family or me so much easier.
As my mentor Darren Hardy says, "If it’s not a ‘hell yes,’ then it’s a no." That’s how decisions should feel when they align with your values.
Small but Powerful Changes
Once you identify your core values, even small changes can have a big impact. Start by setting boundaries around your time, creating space for hobbies you love, or carving out regular moments for self-care. These small shifts, rooted in your values, can lead to a deeper sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Embracing Your Unique Compass
Living by your values may sometimes look different from how others approach motherhood. But that’s what makes it powerful. When you’re in alignment with what matters to you, you’ll feel a greater sense of peace, and that authenticity will naturally resonate with your family.
If you ever feel you’ve drifted from your values, practical steps like journaling, creating a vision board, or doing a monthly check-in can help you realign. Think of it as an ongoing journey of staying connected to what truly matters.
Start Your Journey Today
Staying true to your values is an evolving process, not a one-time revelation. Start today by identifying one core value and finding a small way to honor it daily. Remember, when you’re rooted in your values, you model authenticity and self-respect for your children, showing them the power of living with purpose.
Your values are your unique gifts. They make you the mom—and the person—you are meant to be. Embrace them, honor them, and let them guide you on this incredible journey of motherhood.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
Join Us for the January Awaken Event: “Rooted in Values”: This workshop is all about exploring and embracing the values that make you feel most grounded and authentic as a mom and as an individual. Together, we’ll break down the pressures of perfectionism, uncover the core beliefs that guide us, and find empowering ways to live more aligned lives.
Imagine a day to reconnect with what truly matters, supported by a community of moms who share similar aspirations. This isn’t just an event; it’s an opportunity to rediscover the parts of you that may have been quieted by the demands of everyday life.
Start your year with purpose and clarity. Take this chance to reclaim what’s most meaningful to you and create a vision for a value-driven life. Click below to secure your spot, and let’s kick off this year grounded in what truly matters.
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Embracing the Journey
Reclaiming our identity beyond motherhood doesn't mean diminishing the value of our role as mothers. Instead, it signifies a commitment to becoming more whole, content, and engaged individuals, capable of embracing the challenges of motherhood with renewed vigor and perspective.
This expedition is not just about self-discovery; it's about modeling a life of balance, fulfillment, and resilience for our children. By nurturing our own identities, we teach our children the importance of self-care, personal growth, and the pursuit of individual passions.
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